Finding home ~ Excerpt
daaJessica Wilson Arnold rolled with whatever explanation surfaced first every morning, before her sleep-fogged thoughts cleared and the truth settled in her bones.
Maybe she’d twisted her foot or sprained her ankle without remembering. Or, maybe someone had squeezed her hand too firmly during a formal introduction. Rehashing these impossible possibilities at the start of each day was harmless, she figured. If for just a few sweet moments they helped stave off reality and its accompanying despair, why not?
Today, however, her body simmered with a pain that refused to ease into a hello. Instead of feeling excited about turning thirty-four, she sat in her bathroom, on the closed-lid toilet, rubbing her throbbing hands, and fretting.
What was this year going to bring? Would she still be able to work? Would she recognize herself by the time her birthday rolled around next year? Would Keith still be here?
As usual, this exercise in worry looped through her mind in answerless circles. After a few minutes, she lifted her head and greeted her caramel reflection in the wall-to-floor-length mirror across the bathroom. She searched beneath her side-swooped bang and peered into her own light brown eyes, looking for clues into who she was becoming.
Once she dried her tear-stained cheeks and produced a hint of a smile, no one would be the wiser about the war raging inside, except for maybe Keith. What she couldn’t hide were the changes in her physical appearance, and that was turning out to be even harder to bear.
Four weeks into taking a prescribed daily dose of steroids and her size six slacks already were a struggle to zip – due to both a newly-formed muffin-top belly and uncooperative fingers. Her cheeks were growing chubby enough to pinch, and as of this week, she’d missed so many Zumba classes that the instructor called to offer a discount. But the worst part lately was the growing struggle to make it through a speaking engagement without wincing; or logging onto social media and finding herself tagged on a client or audience member’s Facebook and Instagram photos, looking like an inflatable version of herself. At least that’s how she felt, and she wondered if others were beginning to agree.[J1]
A soft rap on the bathroom door catapulted her to the present. Jessica sat up straight, wiped her cheeks with the back of a hand, and slowly reached for the doorknob. She opened the door and her husband poked his head inside. He sniffed the air then raised an eyebrow.[J2]
“Just what are you doing in here, then?” Keith grinned as he posed the question, acknowledging that she hadn’t actually used the bathroom. Then he frowned. “Is this the kind of throne the birthday queen is going to reign from?”
Jessica giggled[J3] . “If my king has a better idea, I’m all ears.”
Keith sauntered over and knelt before her. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.
“Happy birthday, Jess. Let me help you up so we can go have some fun.”
After gently gripping her elbows and pulling her up, he turned to guide [J4] her toward their bedroom. His supportive gestures irritated Jessica. She wasn’t crippled. Instead of picking a fight, though, she rested her head on his broad shoulder and allowed him to guide her. When they reached the cranberry-colored sofa in the sitting area of the bedroom, he plopped down next to her and slipped his arm around her shoulders. Jessica mustered a smile.
“I was in the bathroom for a reason, you know.”
Keith smirked. “I know. But I decided you didn’t need a pity party behind closed doors – not today.”
Jessica resisted the urge to protest. Keith had no idea how she felt; he didn’t get that her world was becoming unfamiliar and scary. But how could he? He was doing his best to cheer her up, and he had been kind enough to take off work to spend the day with her; that counted for something. She playfully thumped her husband’s forehead and asked what he had in mind. [J5]
“I’m all yours,” he said. “What do you want to do first?”
Jessica hesitated as her mind revisited what she would have craved a short time ago on a cold, but clear February day– some romance, [J6] followed by an outing somewhere in the metro Indianapolis area. She didn’t want to be intimate - Keith could see her flab more clearly in the daylight, and she didn’t feel up to doing anything that would require walking or being active. What she really wanted was to crawl back into bed and sleep this day away. She knew that wouldn’t happen, though; Keith wasn’t having it.[J7]
“Well, one thing you won’t be doing is working.”
Keith eased himself off the sofa and crossed the room to retrieve her laptop from their dresser. He placed it in the olive green computer sleeve inside her business carryall bag, which sat near the bedroom door.
“No writing speeches and or fine-tuning presentations. All of that can wait. I’m taking you with me for the day; you’ll just be surprised.”
Jessica parted her lips to protest. She had to speak at a luncheon tomorrow before a group of college recruiters and needed to put the finish touch on her ending. She’d been so distracted lately that she was off schedule.
Before she could explain, Keith planted himself in front of her, with outstretched hands. He flashed the smile that always allowed him to get his way, and she placed her palms in his. This time when he helped her rise to a standing position, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her. He burrowed his head into the soft crook of her neck and gently kissed it.
“I love you, Jess. We’ll get through this. Together.”[J8]
[J1]So far, the story is taking place solely in her head with her sitting un-moving in the bathroom. Her internal struggle IS interesting, but how about adding some external conflict to make the scene a tad more interesting and tangible?
[J2]LOL. Is this his way of gauging if she went potty? It can total stay, but maybe cut it as it’s a tad um… awkward? ;)
[J3]This seems to be a stark contract from her depressed-state above. Maybe something else? A weak smile perhaps.
[J4]Whenever I spot repeated words, I’ll just highlight them for you to adjust at will. J
[J5]I’m wondering, this opening is quite sleepy – what do you think about coming back at it and shaking things up to be a little more interesting? So far the reader is mainly experiencing her mood swings while likely an important part of the plot and her character development, it might not make for the most interesting opening.
[J6]Not sure what this means, though I’ve got a hunch;) But the delivery seems a tad strange – it sort of puts the picture in my mind of them doing the hanky-panky (which is totally fine, I assure you I’m not a prude ;) ) but then it feels like sex = romance, and the rest of the day doesn’t. Maybe just change the phrasing a bit?
[J7]Few things building here. First seems like a fair bit of telling instead of showing. And also, we’re still sitting and not doing anything. As far as opening pages go – what do you think about something bit more exciting? (And I have an idea below, so I promise not to leave you hanging J )
Also, the explanation of what she doesn’t want to do is also lessening the intriguing factor. What DOES she want to do? If she doesn’t know what that is, maybe put her in a complicated situation that puts her in the hot water and draws out some kind of reaction and could be neat to watch unfold.
[J8]He is SO sweet.
Maybe she’d twisted her foot or sprained her ankle without remembering. Or, maybe someone had squeezed her hand too firmly during a formal introduction. Rehashing these impossible possibilities at the start of each day was harmless, she figured. If for just a few sweet moments they helped stave off reality and its accompanying despair, why not?
Today, however, her body simmered with a pain that refused to ease into a hello. Instead of feeling excited about turning thirty-four, she sat in her bathroom, on the closed-lid toilet, rubbing her throbbing hands, and fretting.
What was this year going to bring? Would she still be able to work? Would she recognize herself by the time her birthday rolled around next year? Would Keith still be here?
As usual, this exercise in worry looped through her mind in answerless circles. After a few minutes, she lifted her head and greeted her caramel reflection in the wall-to-floor-length mirror across the bathroom. She searched beneath her side-swooped bang and peered into her own light brown eyes, looking for clues into who she was becoming.
Once she dried her tear-stained cheeks and produced a hint of a smile, no one would be the wiser about the war raging inside, except for maybe Keith. What she couldn’t hide were the changes in her physical appearance, and that was turning out to be even harder to bear.
Four weeks into taking a prescribed daily dose of steroids and her size six slacks already were a struggle to zip – due to both a newly-formed muffin-top belly and uncooperative fingers. Her cheeks were growing chubby enough to pinch, and as of this week, she’d missed so many Zumba classes that the instructor called to offer a discount. But the worst part lately was the growing struggle to make it through a speaking engagement without wincing; or logging onto social media and finding herself tagged on a client or audience member’s Facebook and Instagram photos, looking like an inflatable version of herself. At least that’s how she felt, and she wondered if others were beginning to agree.[J1]
A soft rap on the bathroom door catapulted her to the present. Jessica sat up straight, wiped her cheeks with the back of a hand, and slowly reached for the doorknob. She opened the door and her husband poked his head inside. He sniffed the air then raised an eyebrow.[J2]
“Just what are you doing in here, then?” Keith grinned as he posed the question, acknowledging that she hadn’t actually used the bathroom. Then he frowned. “Is this the kind of throne the birthday queen is going to reign from?”
Jessica giggled[J3] . “If my king has a better idea, I’m all ears.”
Keith sauntered over and knelt before her. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.
“Happy birthday, Jess. Let me help you up so we can go have some fun.”
After gently gripping her elbows and pulling her up, he turned to guide [J4] her toward their bedroom. His supportive gestures irritated Jessica. She wasn’t crippled. Instead of picking a fight, though, she rested her head on his broad shoulder and allowed him to guide her. When they reached the cranberry-colored sofa in the sitting area of the bedroom, he plopped down next to her and slipped his arm around her shoulders. Jessica mustered a smile.
“I was in the bathroom for a reason, you know.”
Keith smirked. “I know. But I decided you didn’t need a pity party behind closed doors – not today.”
Jessica resisted the urge to protest. Keith had no idea how she felt; he didn’t get that her world was becoming unfamiliar and scary. But how could he? He was doing his best to cheer her up, and he had been kind enough to take off work to spend the day with her; that counted for something. She playfully thumped her husband’s forehead and asked what he had in mind. [J5]
“I’m all yours,” he said. “What do you want to do first?”
Jessica hesitated as her mind revisited what she would have craved a short time ago on a cold, but clear February day– some romance, [J6] followed by an outing somewhere in the metro Indianapolis area. She didn’t want to be intimate - Keith could see her flab more clearly in the daylight, and she didn’t feel up to doing anything that would require walking or being active. What she really wanted was to crawl back into bed and sleep this day away. She knew that wouldn’t happen, though; Keith wasn’t having it.[J7]
“Well, one thing you won’t be doing is working.”
Keith eased himself off the sofa and crossed the room to retrieve her laptop from their dresser. He placed it in the olive green computer sleeve inside her business carryall bag, which sat near the bedroom door.
“No writing speeches and or fine-tuning presentations. All of that can wait. I’m taking you with me for the day; you’ll just be surprised.”
Jessica parted her lips to protest. She had to speak at a luncheon tomorrow before a group of college recruiters and needed to put the finish touch on her ending. She’d been so distracted lately that she was off schedule.
Before she could explain, Keith planted himself in front of her, with outstretched hands. He flashed the smile that always allowed him to get his way, and she placed her palms in his. This time when he helped her rise to a standing position, he pulled her into his arms and hugged her. He burrowed his head into the soft crook of her neck and gently kissed it.
“I love you, Jess. We’ll get through this. Together.”[J8]
[J1]So far, the story is taking place solely in her head with her sitting un-moving in the bathroom. Her internal struggle IS interesting, but how about adding some external conflict to make the scene a tad more interesting and tangible?
[J2]LOL. Is this his way of gauging if she went potty? It can total stay, but maybe cut it as it’s a tad um… awkward? ;)
[J3]This seems to be a stark contract from her depressed-state above. Maybe something else? A weak smile perhaps.
[J4]Whenever I spot repeated words, I’ll just highlight them for you to adjust at will. J
[J5]I’m wondering, this opening is quite sleepy – what do you think about coming back at it and shaking things up to be a little more interesting? So far the reader is mainly experiencing her mood swings while likely an important part of the plot and her character development, it might not make for the most interesting opening.
[J6]Not sure what this means, though I’ve got a hunch;) But the delivery seems a tad strange – it sort of puts the picture in my mind of them doing the hanky-panky (which is totally fine, I assure you I’m not a prude ;) ) but then it feels like sex = romance, and the rest of the day doesn’t. Maybe just change the phrasing a bit?
[J7]Few things building here. First seems like a fair bit of telling instead of showing. And also, we’re still sitting and not doing anything. As far as opening pages go – what do you think about something bit more exciting? (And I have an idea below, so I promise not to leave you hanging J )
Also, the explanation of what she doesn’t want to do is also lessening the intriguing factor. What DOES she want to do? If she doesn’t know what that is, maybe put her in a complicated situation that puts her in the hot water and draws out some kind of reaction and could be neat to watch unfold.
[J8]He is SO sweet.