Life Notes
By Stacy Hawkins Adams
Theme: Most Moms Are Doing Their Best
In the ever-escalating Mommy Wars, there’s little debate about one truth: Mothering is the hardest job most women will ever have.
If we moms, and those who care about children, could agree on that critical fact, maybe the finger pointing and criticism within our ranks would cease.
I’m wise enough to know how far-fetched my wish seems. The game of one-upmanship, ‘I’m better than you,’ or ‘If you’d just do it my way…’ is so ingrained in American culture that it surfaces like second-nature, even in parenting.
Women who are raising children regularly find themselves prey for both the superwoman “I can do it all” syndrome and the feminist “Be equal, not subservient” message.
Yet as I launch this column devoted primarily to working mothers, let’s start fresh by acknowledging whom that phrase defines.
I’m clearly speaking to the woman who drops her children off at day care in the mornings or sends them to an after school program until her workday at a corporate office, small business or charitable organization ends.
However, from my perspective, that’s just one sector of the Life Notes audience.
Whether you spend your weekdays with company colleagues, work from home, operate your own business or parent full-time, this space is designed to educate, encourage and sometimes entertain you.
That’s a hefty promise from a twice-a-month Sunday newspaper column, but if your life is anything like mine, the frequency probably suits the precious time in your schedule.
After recent research, Salary.com, an online personnel-services company, revealed that women who stay home to raise their children would earn about $138,000 if they worked the same 92 hours and provided the same level of service outside the home.
The study also revealed that women who work outside the home would earn an additional $85,000 for the service they render to their families after formal business hours.
Add all that up and it means whatever our career status, we mothers are striving to raise great children and provide for them as best we can. We aren’t a cookie cutter society; there’s no template for what works best.
I know first-hand the juggling act required when duty calls and the school nurse does, too. For the first seven years of my daughter’s life and the first four of my son’s, I worked full time for this newspaper as a columnist and staff writer.
Yet three years ago, I took a leap of faith to focus on a thriving career as an author, professional speaker and freelance writer. It’s within that realm that I’m writing this regular feature.
My new career has given me some of the flexibility afforded to stay-at-home moms; however, I still must meet deadlines, keep appointments and travel on occasion.
I’m still late with dinner (when my husband doesn’t cook) and I know the owners of my neighborhood Chinese restaurant well. I have occasionally forgotten to return school notes on time (sorry to my kids’ great teachers) and have fretted as my laundry pile grows into a mini-mountain.
The trade-off is that I’ve found myself in the trenches with mothers who work because our careers allow us to use our talents or skills in ways that benefit our families and others. Our work facilitates our desire to become better women, better mothers and better individuals in the other important roles we fill.
Life Notes will touch on theses areas and more, and I’m hoping you’ll share with me what you’d like to read in this space to make it more meaningful.
This is a safe zone to find kinship, speak your mind and maybe learn to appreciate another mother’s perspective. No finger pointing or vying for the superwoman title allowed.
Let’s have some fun and celebrate the awesome opportunity we’ve been given to nurture and mold another human being to live with purpose and productivity.
© Stacy Hawkins Adams
